I was sitting out on my parents patio with my legs out on the table and my laptop on my lap ready to write. I have been trying to write my full story down in a book, but have been having writers block the last month or so. Realizing that it is the hardest chapter I needed to write, it's no wonder I was struggling. Having to go back into your past and re-live my drug days and coming to grips with all of the mistakes that I have made in past is hard enough, but to then be writing it down is even more of a daunting task. I realized that Satan was trying to validate my fears of my story not being good enough, my writing not being captivating enough, and me really not wanting people to know the details of my past actions. What would they think? The feelings of embarrassment, shame, and guilt all came flooding back, but I remembered a verse in Romans.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.
God opened my eyes to the fact that He already forgave me and He is the one that wants me to put my story on paper. If my story can help just one person than it is worth me putting myself out there. Then it got me to thinking of how many of us constantly put ourselves down or feel inadequate with what we are doing in life? With what we think God is calling us to do? That little voice that tells you, you are not good enough...you are not the right size...you need to lose 30 pounds...you need to do more with your kids...you are a bad friend...you need to do better...blah blah blah right?!
It is important to realize that we are all broken in some way, shape, or form and that improvement in the areas that God convicts us in is warranted. But it is also important for us to realize that we are not perfect and we will make mistakes probably more than once if you are like me. We will obsess about issues that are not that important, but in the midst of all of our brokenness and chaotic lives, that we are beautiful in God's eyes, and that He loves us more than we will ever be able to comprehend. God has His arms wide open for us waiting for us to run to Him every second of every day. We may be a mess, but we are His beautiful mess and that gives me so much comfort. It doesn't matter what I did in the past, it matters how I live my life today and knowing that God loves me even in my brokenness helps me get through each trial and tribulation just a little bit easier.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I don't know where you are in your lives right now, but I pray that you will take these five words and say them with the joy that God has filled our hearts with and believe that we are beautiful even in all of our brokenness and that we matter. That you matter. You are important. And you are loved.
I am a Beautiful Mess! I am a Beautiful Mess! I am a Beautiful Mess!
I pray for all of you out there right now that are feeling down, that God lifts your spirits and fills you with the knowledge of who you are through His eyes and not your own, and not the eyes of the world today, but our Heavenly Father's eyes. I pray that you feel His love pouring through you.